I sat down to write an article about women.

Not this article.

I was frustrated with my wife, Annette. Something had happened between us that stirred a reaction in me, and I found myself doing what I think most of us do when we’re hurt or frustrated: trying to explain why I felt the way I did—and, if I’m being truthful, justify it.

At first, the explanation was simple.

It was her.

Then it became bigger than her.

It was women.

She is doing this. She is making me feel this way. This is something women do.

And I had plenty of evidence to build my case.

I’ve been married three times. I’m a confidence coach for men, and I’ve had hundreds of conversations with men about their relationships with women. I’ve listened to their frustrations, divorces, mistakes, the things they don’t understand about women and the things women don’t seem to understand about them.

I’ve also lived enough of it myself.

So finding examples wasn’t difficult.

And for the record, I still think men and women are different. There are patterns worth recognizing and understanding. This isn’t an argument that those differences don’t exist.

But then I caught myself.

I was so busy asking what was wrong with her that I hadn’t asked the more important question:

What did she just stir in me, and why was it there?

She hadn’t created the reaction.

She had touched the nerve.

That’s a very different thing.

When Annette and I first started dating, I can admit that I was too emotional. I overthought our interactions and projected my past onto her. If I felt like she wasn’t as invested in the relationship as I was, I questioned her.

A lot.

Eventually I understood that Annette is an extreme introvert and needs far more space than I do. I had interpreted her need for space as disinterest.

I could make excuses for it. I was coming out of a relationship where I had become accustomed to feeling dismissed, and I was looking for signs that it was happening again.

But Annette hadn’t created that fear.

She had touched the nerve of it.

It was already mine.

That makes it pretty difficult for me to condemn her years later when something inside her affects the way she responds to me.

“Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.” — John 8:7

I can’t cast it.

I’m standing in a pile of my own.

That doesn’t mean accepting everything. Accountability matters. Boundaries matter. There are things I will not tolerate.

But accountability is different from condemnation.

I can ask Annette to look at herself while being willing to look at myself. I can expect her to take ownership without pretending all the ownership belongs to her.

That’s also why I don’t believe in the 50/50 relationship bullshit people talk about.

I don’t want half of somebody while giving them half of myself.

I want 100% / 100% or nothing.

You can’t half-ass this.

I’m in 100%. That’s my decision. I’m loyal, and I believe that when you marry someone, you marry them for life.

I realize how contradictory that might sound coming from someone who has been married three times.

But I truly believe it.

My past doesn’t prevent me from deciding what commitment means to me now. If anything, it has forced me to think harder about it.

But I cannot force another person to live by the same standard.

If Annette decided she didn’t want this anymore, I wouldn’t beg her to stay. I wouldn’t chase her or desperately try to hold together something that no longer exists.

I can promise my 100%.

I can’t promise hers.

And 100% / 100% isn’t only about commitment.

It’s about ownership.

I own 100% of what I bring into this relationship. She owns 100% of what she brings into it.

Where our lives intersect, we both leave fingerprints.

That’s where my original argument about women started to fall apart.

The moment I make Annette—or women in general—the villain is the moment I lose myself.

Because blame is an easy way to skirt responsibility.

Someone may hurt me. They may betray me, lie to me, abandon me or treat me unfairly. Those actions matter.

But if I make another person responsible for who I become because of those actions, I’ve handed them something that belongs to me.

The Andrew Tates of the world will tell you it’s men versus women. Us versus them.

The moment you accept that framing, you lose.

If someone else is the reason I’m unhappy, then they control my happiness. If my ex is the reason I’m angry, then she controls my anger. If society is responsible for the man I’ve become, then society is in control of me.

That’s an incredibly powerless way to live while pretending it’s strength.

I keep coming back to something much simpler.

The sky is blue.

It’s a stupidly simple statement, but that’s the point.

The sky doesn’t need me to agree that it’s blue. Reality exists independently of how I feel about it. In philosophy, there’s an old formulation for this: A is A. A thing is what it is.

Reality comes first.

The story I tell myself about reality comes second.

Sometimes it rains.

I don’t stand outside screaming at the clouds because yesterday was sunny and today isn’t. The weather didn’t betray me. Conditions changed, nature did her thing, and rain was the result.

It isn’t personal.

We make this mistake constantly with people.

We can only experience the world from inside our own heads, so naturally we put ourselves at the centre of what happens around us.

Why did she do that to me?

Why did he say that to me?

Why are they treating me this way?

Sometimes those are legitimate questions.

But sometimes the uncomfortable answer is:

They weren’t thinking about me nearly as much as I think they were.

Most things aren’t about me.

Someone can make a decision that profoundly affects my life without me being the reason they made it. Their fears, history, insecurities, desires, habits and circumstances may have far more to do with their decision than I do.

That doesn’t erase the effect it has on me.

It just means I shouldn’t confuse this affected me with this was about me.

People aren’t weather. They have agency and responsibility for their actions. But the lesson is similar.

Understanding the rain doesn’t mean I have to stand outside and get soaked.

I can put on a jacket. I can find shelter. I can change my plans. I can even decide I don’t want to live somewhere where it rains this much.

What I can’t reasonably do is stand in the rain screaming at the sky for being rain.

Understanding people works the same way.

Understanding doesn’t mean accepting.

Recognizing patterns doesn’t mean creating villains.

Taking responsibility doesn’t mean pretending the other person did nothing wrong.

If someone betrays me, that betrayal belongs to them. If someone lies to me, that lie belongs to them.

But relationships are more complicated.

If a relationship ends, the road that brought us there belongs to both of us.

I have to look at my part in that road.

What did I do? What didn’t I do? What did I ignore? Where did I fail to listen, change, speak or understand?

The fact that I stayed doesn’t automatically make me right, just as the fact that they left doesn’t automatically make them wrong.

Their decision is theirs.

The relationship that preceded it was ours.

That’s responsibility without blame.

And none of this means becoming emotionless.

It means equanimity.

I can feel anger without becoming anger. I can feel hurt without allowing hurt to decide what I do next. I can experience fear, jealousy, rejection, disappointment or betrayal without immediately turning those emotions into actions.

And I have to allow other people that same space.

Sometimes someone needs to be angry. Sometimes they need to vent. Sometimes they need to tell the whole story from where they’re standing before they’re capable of stepping outside of it.

I don’t have to correct them.

I don’t have to win.

I don’t even have to agree.

I can be what I think of as a fellow traveller.

To travel beside someone doesn’t mean I have to see the road exactly as they do.

Maybe they’re angry. Maybe they’re hurt. Maybe their version of what happened is completely different from mine.

I can listen. I can ask questions. I can let them follow the thought all the way to its end.

Listening isn’t agreement.

I’m giving another human being room to work through what they’re experiencing without making their emotion something I have to defeat.

And when the emotion has run its course, maybe we can meet somewhere more useful.

Reality.

I can offer myself the same thing.

My emotions deserve to be felt.

They don’t automatically deserve to be obeyed.

The emotion is real.

I just don’t have to hand it the steering wheel.

And that’s really where all of this ended up for me.

I started by writing about women.

I ended up looking at myself.

Men and women may be different. Different things may trigger us. We may express those reactions differently. Those differences are worth understanding.

But understanding other people will only take me so far.

Eventually, I have to look inward.

If another person can destabilize me, I need to understand why.

If I keep finding myself in the same kinds of situations, I need to examine what I’m bringing into them.

If I repeatedly react in ways I later regret, eventually I have to stop explaining those reactions by pointing at the person who provoked them.

Someone else’s behaviour is information.

My response is my responsibility.

And maybe that’s the question worth asking yourself the next time somebody stirs something inside you.

Not:

What is wrong with them?

But:

What did they just stir in me, and why was it there?

The moment you need a villain to explain who you’ve become, you’ve given that villain far too much power.

Their choices are theirs.

Your choices are yours.

Where your lives intersect, you both leave fingerprints.

But the reins are still in your hands.

Your life belongs to you.

Read more

Today’s Gratitude Practice:

With Thanksgiving, Receive The Grace & Get Back In The Saddle

Life happens

Things change

Unplanned circumstances are a way of life

You can’t avoid it

You can’t avoid it

Financial burdens that break your budget

Cause you to dip into savings

Lead to stopping something new

Something important

Something that you deeply believe in and want …

Read more

Today’s Gratitude Practice:

Count The Truth.

Take a deep breath and anchor in.

Take a moment to remind yourself of the wins

Start to count every blessing,

Write down at least 5 answered prayers

At least 5 breakthrough moments.

Note each of these instances in great detail

Lean in and breathe as you start to count the truth

One after another, remind your heart an…

Read more

Today’s Gratitude Practice:

Thank the Walkers.

Those who have walked with you

Those who were there when it felt like no one understood you.

Those who believed in you when you barely believed in the idea itself.

But they believed, and they stood with you.

These people who come along are the ones who help an idea shift from idea to implementation.

When 2 or more come together, there He is in the midst also.

Honor those who have walked with you.

Tangible Benefits of This Gratitude Practice

This is a subconscious reminder that you are not alone

Temporary seasons of loneliness are less likely to become extended seasons of stagnation.

Create this list and feel the power of gratitude opening up your heart for new connections, as what you focus on you will receive more of… always.

Relational warmth is an emotional anchor

Emotional regulation is also a nice byproduct of thanking those who have walked with you and helped shape your journey.

Relational work, Relational warmth, and relational support.

Work, warmth, and support make life worth living and bring joy through connection into our lives.

Today’s Gratitude Practice:

Thank your Body.

Pause in this very moment.

Take a deep breath.

Touch your heart and thank your body.

Not yourself. Your body.

Begin with three things and continue as you are led.

Be as specific as possible, as this grounds you in the moment, and you deserve specificity.

You deserve clarity. The best thing to do is give it to …

Read more

Today’s Gratitude Practice:

Take a slow gratitude walk.

Take your time walking through it. Breathe deeply and flow in gratitude and thanksgiving.

How Does This Impact You:

Doing this gratitude walk combines movement, breathing, and appreciation, which can reduce tension in the body. Directly from the Calm website, you can see that the gratitude walk is essentially a strong mental reset:

Link to full Calm article is here:

https://www.calm.com/blog/gratitude-walk

Today’s Gratitude Practice:

Write about a hard season that produced something good. Take your time walking through it. Be open and detailed. When it is written, make sure to include the journey from the hard to the good.

How Does This Impact You:

Helps the body process stress through meaning-making instead of rumination. Overthinking is the enemy of peace, joy, and gratitude. This practice will anchor in the joy and help you to FINISH what you start.

Once your nervous system recognizes that you are safe, the hard things you face when starting a new ministry, mission, business, or organization will lose the power to demoralize you and convince you to stop growing. The power to finish is one of the primary benefits.

Something happens when we reach out for each other.

A random thank you can completely transform someone’s day.

Little by little, our intentional expressions of gratitude shift the needle and transform the lives of others.

Never underestimate the power of acknowledgment and sowing gratitude into someone’s life.

• Livi Anderson

Mark 4: 2-20

² And he taught them many things by parables, and said unto them in his doctrine,

³ Hearken; Behold, there went out a sower to sow:

⁴ And it came to pass, as he sowed, some fell by the way side, and the fowls of the air came and devoured it up.

⁵ And some fell on stony ground, where it had not much earth; and immediately it sprang up, because it had no depth of earth:

⁶ But when the sun was up, it was scorched; and because it had no root, it withered away.

⁷ And some fell among thorns, and the thorns grew up, and choked it, and it yielded no fruit.

⁸ And other fell on good ground, and did yield fruit that sprang up and increased; and brought forth, some thirty, and some sixty, and some an hundred.

⁹ And he said unto them, He that hath ears to hear, let him hear.

He breaks down the types of soil:

¹⁰ And when he was alone, they that were about him with the twelve asked of him the parable.

¹¹ And he said unto them, Unto you it is given to know the mystery of the kingdom of God: but unto them that are without, all these things are done in parables:

¹² That seeing they may see, and not perceive; and hearing they may hear, and not understand; lest at any time they should be converted, and their sins should be forgiven them.

¹³ And he said unto them, Know ye not this parable? and how then will ye know all parables?

¹⁴ The sower soweth the word.

¹⁵ And these are they by the way side, where the word is sown; but when they have heard, Satan cometh immediately, and taketh away the word that was sown in their hearts.

¹⁶ And these are they likewise which are sown on stony ground; who, when they have heard the word, immediately receive it with gladness;

¹⁷ And have no root in themselves, and so endure but for a time: afterward, when affliction or persecution ariseth for the word’s sake, immediately they are offended.

¹⁸ And these are they which are sown among thorns; such as hear the word,

¹⁹ And the cares of this world, and the deceitfulness of riches, and the lusts of other things entering in, choke the word, and it becometh unfruitful.

²⁰ And these are they which are sown on good ground; such as hear the word, and receive it, and bring forth fruit, some thirtyfold, some sixty, and some an hundred.

Fortunately, there’s nothing in scripture that says where that line is. lol.

Frankly, the words of Nelson Mandela are my go-to for a reason:

I believe that everything is possible.

We’ve defied gravity.

We’ve traveled to the moon and sent probes outside of our solar system.

We’ve started exploring the Mariana Trench, and we have massive ocean squid.

It’s all possible.

So reframing the frustrating things in our lives is a lot easier than one would think.

We simply must desire what’s on the other side of the reframe:

Peace.

Joy.

Soundness of Mind.

Clarity of thought.

You can step into today’s gratitude practice and discover benefits that fit you specifically. Expanding on this list is the biggest benefit of writing these things out. Your personal breakthroughs are the best teachers.

The article referenced in Day 1:

https://www.americanbrainfoundation.org/does-gratitude-rewire-your-brain/

UPGRADE TO ACCESS ALL EPISODES

Welcome to the FIRST Episode of my name podcast!!

I am so excited. God said NOW and I followed.

He said NOW on February 29, 2024 an 2 years later, we are almost at 50,000 free subscribers on Daily Devotional for Women community.

That one didn’t grow for the first 14 months - then BOOM. God grew it and has brought 2 incredible devotional writers into the fold. Thank you, ladies and <3

Now?

Nevertheless.

A journey into the power of the human spirit.

Now, more than ever, we have the opportunity to tap into the power that is inside of each and every one of us.

It’s there, under the frustration, decades of conditioning, and inside lives locked inside of hypnotic rhythms.

There is absolute power in each and everyone of us to effect great change in our lives and on humanity as a whole.

But life is busy and so few ever truly discover their innate capacity to change, grow, and step into somthing new.

This podcast and it’s sister The Daily Shift will help that journey along. Both are paid podcasts that will ahve occasional free episodes like this one.

You can upgrade now:

GET FULL ACCESS TO ALL EPISODES

After faithfully building and growing this work for the last 2.25 years, I’ve been led to reopen my 1:1 and group coaching programs. After 8 years in business, Spirit led me back to writing devotionals again.

Two years later, we’ve grown to over 45,000 subscribers and continue to grow by more than 1,000 subscribers per week. I’m grateful for the way the seed has become a tree. Now, I’m mentoring others on how to do the same.

Commitment is always gratifying.

Maybe not immediately, but eventually. Sticking to the path of deep commitment and internal growth will always produce something. In this case, the Christian media company is off the ground and growing a little bit more each day.

Now, the doors are open for Mentorship & 1:1 Coaching.

Paid Podcast

Mentorship

1:1 Core Coaching (Life & Business)

This mission will be expressed in several ways and will continue to grow and evolve as time marches on:

1. Paid Podcast: Nevertheless by Livi Anderson - $5/mon

Here is what you can expect when you become a paying subscriber of Nevertheless Podcast:

Nevertheless is the flag in the ground for those who desire to become the change they wish to see in the world. This is the place for those who know they are called to more and are ready to BECOME the person they need to be in order to live the life they desire.

The paid podcast will cover the diverse topics shared in this intro video. These episodes will be rooted in faith, mindset, and pull from my 12 years of experience in coaching, digital media, audience building, movement launching, influence, and online monetization.

Deep dives into all the topics mentioned will be facilitated by me and occasional guest experts who are far more experienced and educated in certain fields than I am.

Topics include:

• Mindset

• Marketing

• Monetization

• Intimate Relationships

• Language of Flow

• Influence with People

• Core & Ego Work

• Radical Accountability

• Living Faith

• Neuro Manifestation

• Current Events

Submission for paid subscribers is open for specific confidential requests for advice. You will be notified if your advice request is answered in one of the podcast episodes.

SUBSCRIBE: NEVERTHELESS BY LIVI ANDERSON

2. Mentorship: The 4 Percent Mastermind - $47/Month

The Nevertheless Mastermind is for mission-driven builders, creators, coaches, leaders, and visionaries who know they are called to create meaningful impact through their voice, message, and soul-deep work.

This mentorship experience is designed to help you launch, structure, and grow your movement through the integration of spiritual development, personal responsibility, digital media, strategic communication, and aligned monetization.

Inside the mastermind, we focus on both the internal and external work required to sustain meaningful growth.

This includes:

• Clarifying your message, mission, and positioning

• Building a media ecosystem that attracts aligned people consistently

• Developing confidence in your voice, leadership, and visibility

• Structuring offers, memberships, courses, and recurring revenue systems

• Growing through consistency instead of emotional volatility

• Learning how to communicate with depth, conviction, and influence

• Strengthening discipline, identity, and radical accountability

• Creating a business and life that are sustainable spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and financially

Office Hours for the mastermind are held every Friday at 1 PM Eastern. All replays are hosted here on Substack.

The investment is currently $47 month.

Private 1:1 Coaching Is Currently Open

Private coaching is for individuals who desire direct guidance, strategic clarity, accountability, and deep transformational work in specific areas of life and business.

These sessions are highly personalized and designed for those who are serious about growth, implementation, and alignment.

1:1 coaching may include support around:

• Personal reinvention and identity work

• Building confidence, consistency, and self-trust

• Launching and growing mission-based brands

• Audience growth and digital media strategy

• Offer creation and monetization

• Visibility, communication, and influence

• Navigating life transitions and internal resistance

• Leadership development and decision-making

• Creating structure, focus, and momentum

This is not surface-level motivation. The work we do together is designed to help you identify patterns, strengthen your foundation, and move forward with greater clarity, courage, and conviction.

If you feel aligned with this work, I would be honored to walk alongside you in the next season of your growth.

BOOK A CONSULT FOR 1:1 COACHING